It has been an exciting week; not only did Nintendo finally release the launch details for the Ww…for the Wwww… for their new console, but Apple also updated each of their iPod lines and also revealed a new iTunes and something that is hilariously codenamed as ‘iTV‘. How will my wallet fare after all of this? Let’s find out!

Let’s begin with Apple, which made a big fuss about…well, not so much, really; the entire range of updates really had a ‘will this do?’ feel to them. The large iPods received a small spec-and-feature bump — better batteries, bright screens, the ability to play Pac-Man; the Nanos are now more like the Minis that they originally replaced — aluminum shells and available in a limited variety of eye-watering, garish colours; the iPod Shuffle is probably the most interesting of these updates, now appearing as a matchbook-sized sliver of joy which you can clip on to your shirt, your trousers, your skin, etc., but even then that’s just comparatively interesting.

These updated iPods are all about as desirable as the versions they replaced, but if you weren’t going to buy one last week, there’s not really anything here that’s going to make you buy one this week either. I wouldn’t mind having a new Shuffle, but I already have a Shuffle in perfect working order, and I don’t feel like paying another £60 for a replacement no matter what I can clip it to, particularly as I’d lose the convenience of using it as a USB thumb drive — this updated version requires a silly little dock all of its own.

I also wouldn’t mind one of the large iPods — a black 30gb one would do just fine — but I already have a 20gb iPod, purchased three years ago, and unlike many people I didn’t fall for the ‘iPod batteries cannot be replaced’ gag, and replaced my battery a few months ago. The whole thing is basically as new, so although I’d quite like an upgrade to a lighter, smoother, brighter version, mine plays all my music just as well as it always has done, and there’s no killer feature in the latest ones that can justify the hassle of flogging my old iPod and the expense of buying a new one.

I have absolutely no need or desire for a Nano, no matter what it’s made of or what colour it comes in, so let’s gloss over those.

What else was announced? Disney films at the iTunes store, available at a whopping 640×480 resolution for about the same price as a DVD. Um, thanks, Apple. The latest iTunes software itself has been updated and is fast becoming the most bloated and sluggish application I run. The iTV…well, I’m sure it’s of interest to people who have a TV in one room and lots of downloaded films on the PC in their other room, but speaking as someone who is but a simple lodger, I’ve no interest in it whatsoever. Anyway, it’s not even out yet.

Analysis

So…not a disappointment as such, but not as earth-shattering as previous announcements by Apple. But what else could they have done? The excitable masses on the internet seem convinced that Apple should release a widescreen, touchscreen, dedicated video iPod, and that the future of the company depends on such a thing, but I’m at a loss as to who would buy it — whilst I’m willing to concede that there may be people who have a commute of two hours and yet don’t read books or own laptops and are willing to sit and watch a film on a handheld device that they have to hold up themselves, I can’t imagine it’s that big of a niche. There’s a reason that Sony’s UMD films for the PSP are being heavily discounted all across the world; few people want to watch full-length films on handheld screens.

If the internet isn’t harping on about the fabled-yet-pointless video iPod, then it’s the iPhone, which I assume is a hybrid iPod/phone of some kind — I have to assume this as there’s no evidence that such a thing exists, or ever will exist, and even if it does exist, does it matter? The problem Apple now faces in the digital audio player market is that upgrading an iPod is now something that would be nice rather than essential; this is exactly the same problem that mobile phone vendors face — everybody who was likely to buy a mobile phone now has one, and the new features and designs that we’re offered in new phones are rarely all that compelling.

So if Apple were to release an iPhone, they would be entering a market which already has the same problems they face with the iPod — so it would have to be a pretty spectacular phone. Anyway, I’ll believe it when I see it; the mobile phone market is currently going the same way as the iPod market — they’re both plateauing.

Is any of this a bad thing for Apple? Not necessarily; the huge growth of the audio player market was never going to be sustainable, but the iPod is still an excellent device, and its competitors have never been able to understand why, piling on features of minimal interest like FM radios and voice recorders into chunkier, heavier, less usable and less attractive hardware. Although I’m sure there are many people who bought iPods because it was fashionable to do so, I believe they’re in the minority — if the iPod wasn’t a great piece of kit, word of mouth would have finished it off years ago.

So, I can see the market slowing down, but I can’t see the iPod going anywhere soon. Really, what else are you going to play your music on? A Zune?

Hmm, that went on for a bit longer than I expected; I’ll talk about Nintendo next week.