Even if you’ve never read the original poems, you know about the horse. The wooden horse, complete with air holes, hinges, and mysterious voices from within muttering “ouch!” whenever they went over a rock. It’s absurd, and if the Trojans really did fall for it, then they deserved whatever they got.

But that’s not what the story is about. Although the horse is fairly crucial to the story, it thankfully only gets about 10 or 15 minutes of screentime, with the rest of the substantial leftovers devoted to some sterling performances by some of the cast and some claustrophobic battle scenes.

The story has been trimmed down a bit from the original Iliad. The Trojans (hailing from what I believe is now modern-day Turkey) anger Menelaus, the King of Sparta (Brendan Gleeson) when Paris (Orlando Bloom) convinces Menelaus’ wife Helen (Diane Kruger) to leave with them and return to Troy. More than a little miffed, Menelaus turns to his brother Agamemnon (Brian Cox), who controls several Greek Kings and their armies. Menelaus pleads with Agamemnon to attack the Trojans, and Agamemnon sees this as an opportunity for further conquest, for the greater glory of Greece. He pulls together a force of tens of thousands, including Achilles (Brad Pitt), widely considered (and justifiably so) to be Greece’s greatest warrior.

The Greeks land their forces and take control of Troy’s beach within hours, but it takes a turn for the worse when the Greek army faces Troy. Paris and Hector go to meet the Greek troops and Paris offers Menelaus a pact; they will fight each other, and the winner takes Helen, and goes home. Everyone but Paris is aware by now that this war is no longer about Helen, but Agamemnon allows his brother the chance to take revenge. He’s more than a match for Paris, but Hector steps in to defend his brother and kills Menelaus. Agamemnon gives the order to attack, but despite greater numbers, they are forced to retreat.

Achilles and his men aren’t fighting. Achilles appears to have lost interest in the battle after seducing Hector’s cousin, Polydora (Siri Svegler) Briseis (Rose Byrne), who was captured during the beach landing. He regains his vigour after Hector inadvertently kills Achilles’ cousin during a further battle, and goes to meet Hector in person, who he fights, and kills. Then it’s the horse scene. It’s ridiculous. Let’s gloss over that part. The Greeks sack Troy, and Paris kills Achilles who is trying to find Polydora Briseis. Tada! The Iliad in three paragraphs. Join me next week for War and Peace in 5 lines.

There’s an impressive amount of talent in the cast list. Peter O’Toole is truly excellent as Priam, the King of Troy who, step by step, sees all he has taken away from him. His single meeting with Brad Pitt’s Achilles drips with tension as he kneels before, and puts his life in the hands of, his enemy. Eric Bana’s Hector, the Prince of Troy and heir to the throne, is similarly brilliant, taking the roles of concerned brother, dutiful son, warrior and diplomat all in his stride, with each aspect played with grace and subtlety. Sean Bean as Odysseus is much like Sean Bean as Sharpe and Sean Bean as Boromir; no surprises but always enjoyable to watch, and I’d certainly go and see an adaptation of the Odyssey if he were to play the lead. Brendan Gleeson is Menelaus, the brother to Brian Cox’s Agamemnon, and deserved far more screentime.

There were weak points, however. Orlando Bloom as Paris (the younger brother to Hector) shined as the young romantic, but turned to be a comic and cowardly character during the middle of the film, and I challenge anyone to not think “ah, it’s Legolas!” towards the end. I felt that Brian Cox was left with the poorer parts of a script that was at times very contemporary. His character was defined a little too strongly as the villain of the piece, and lacked the depth of many of the other players. Brad Pitt as well struggled occasionally as the film attempted to make him into an action hero, and like Cox was poorly scripted, though to a lesser extent. He does a good job at putting across the darkness of Achilles, however, and he looked the part, having trained for 6 months beforehand, modelling his perfectly sculpted body on classical Greek statues – and it’s a body he’s certainly not shy of showing off.

The battle scenes are impressively done and give off a great sense of scale and numbers; think Return of the King but with more dust, a Mediterranean climate, and the enormous Ajax (Tyler Mane) in place of the Orcs. Gone are the expansive plains of Middle Earth, however; the battle for Troy takes place in a far more confined space, with the Greeks trapped between the walls of the city and the ocean on a cramped beach. When the two armies collide, and the Trojan shields force the Greek soldiers back upon themselves, you *feel* it.

It’s definitely worth seeing.