Taste the Difference
If you live in Oxford then you probably shop at Tesco. This is not a social comment, it’s just that with a Tesco Metro serving the whole of East Oxford and a large out-of-town Tesco serving the rest, you’re not left with much choice in the matter. While there are other options — Marks & Spencers for the disgustingly wealthy, a miniscule Co-Op for the smelly hippies and two blink-and-you’ll-miss them (yet horrifically busy) Sainsburys in the middle of the town centre, Tesco is where most Oxford residents will find themselves, time and again.
Despite what the television might say to you, let’s make no mistake; Tesco sells cheap crap. Not cheap crap in the same way that Asda is cheap crap, and it’s certainly no Lidl or Aldi, but fundamentally the food is cheap, and it’s crap. Even the ‘Tesco Finest’ range, bedecked in silver and black, has a quiet air of desperation about it, the food inside the careful packaging having a real ‘Will this do?’ feel to it.
The Tesco Metro in East Oxford is a fairly soul-crushing place. Too small to count as a ‘real’ Tesco, you can memorise the layout and every line of stock within a week or so. The queues are constant and the place is always teeming with a mixture of students and mothers with half a dozen hyperactive children. It’s the sort of awful atmosphere that left-leaning people might describe as ‘vibrant’.
I discovered on Saturday that one of the tiny competitors to Tesco’s hegemony — one of the two crappy Sainsbury’s Local stores — had had a bit of an overhaul. It had expanded.
Should have…sent…a poet…
It was an odd experience, going shopping in a Sainsbury’s after so many Tesco-only months, but I could tell I wasn’t alone. The atmosphere was quiet, reserved, and people were wandering the aisles with wide, tearful eyes. It was like that scene from Clerks when Randel goes to rent videos from a large rental superstore. Having had our tastebuds dulled by drippy ready meals, tasteless vegetables and meat that goes off the second it passes through the security barriers, the luxury goods available here were like manna.
You could see people torn by decisions; should they have the giant bag of Wensleydale and Cranberry flavour hand-baked crisps, or the Camembert and Red Onion? Which Covent Garden soup, out of the three dozen varieties on offer? Should they go with the garlic and olive oil mash or the rock salt and cracked black pepper mash?
Like everyone else in there, I found the red mist descended. Before long my basket was filled with individual creme brulées, rosemary and rock salt bread, smoked almonds, luxury tropical fruit and nut mixes, and lots of things with the word ‘Tuscan’ in the product description.
And, like everyone else in there, I left without buying any actual food. Like everyone else, I was snapped out of it when I reached the end and stared, ashen-faced, at a bill three times bigger than my usual weekly food budget, and like everyone else I would then have to go and buy lunch on top of that because I’d neglected to think about buying any meals.
Like everyone else, I’d be back at Tesco a few hours later to buy normal, cheap, crap. But still, at least I now have a use for that creme brulée blowtorch I’ve never used.
I find spending an extra fiver on home delivery makes shopping at Tesco far less annoying and stressful. Lucky really as there are only so many times you can ram stupid people with a trolley before getting asked to leave.
I find it highly upsetting to see you refer to the fine quality produce available in Tesco as “crap”.
I’m currently living in Brussels for the year, and I PINE after the shopping-satisfaction that can be found in Tesco stores throughout the country. The supermarkets here are dirty, under-stocked, over-crowded, over-priced and have no concept of the Tesco Value Tesco Finest range.
I’d give my left kidney for scraps of some Tesco Value products :(
You do know that you can make “garlic and olive oil mash” yourself using garlic, olive oil and potatoes for about a third of the price and twice the taste? Cheap as chips.
That’s all well and good, but then you’d have all that extra money lying around.
I’m with Simon on the delivery thing… tried it a few months back and wondered why the hell I never did it before!
“You do know that you can make “garlic and olive oil mash” yourself using garlic, olive oil and potatoes for about a third of the price and twice the taste?”
I’ve heard of this; I believe it’s called ‘cooking’. As a single man living in a shared house, I’ll have nothing to do with it, thanks very much.
bored by any chance?
How could I be bored when there’s a Sainsbury’s in town?
For additional fun, you could go into your local Primark/Matalan/TK Maxx and gawp at the hordes of wide-bottomed female chavs.
I would, but chavs have a tendency to spit at me if I get too close. I’m not sure what it is about me that provokes this, but I have noticed I get left alone when walking home from the gym — possibly this is due to my white tracksuit bottoms and white trainers that I’ll still be wearing at this time.
Hi,
I was just wondering if any one thinks Jamie Oliver’s endorsement of the taste the difference range has been effective?
Effective for his wallet, I imagine.
I am more aware of just how annoying he is with his quick and easy recipes containing taste the difference honey and marmite sausages mixed with several obscure vegetables and herbs that only Sainsbury would bother to stock, and that you really do need to be a qualified chef to consder them either quick or easy recipes. Oh yeah and they still cost £50 even if they are one of his favourite dishes. Very effective Jamie, thanks for nothing.
Ok, I’m done.
I’m just glad they went with Oliver, rather than that odious twunt Gordon Ramsay.
Shouldn’t ‘odious’ and ‘twunt’ be capitalized?
Tesco finest sucks.Poor AWTHompsons cheese cutter(finest) broke at the sight of philly never mind anything harder.That was before I even opened the cheese.The staff all look like wet kippers and the customer service is none existent.Ive even had staff asking ME what they should ???? cmon Tesco yas monopolising the market but yas cant deliver(no pun intended).
6 years ago BP reduced their prices fairly savagely in an effort to eliminate their ‘independant’ (ie traditonally cheaper)opposition.
Within 3 years they acheived their goal and we now have fuel prices 25% higher/mind you those nice people at BP have done well with their record profits since…..When Tesco’s have eliminated all their competitors do you imagine the food, crap or otherwise will be quite so cheap?
We have 3 Tesco’s within about a mile of each other ! A Sainbury’s in the middle of the town and a new M&S food store just opened. When we do the monthly shop, we end up going to at least 2 of the Tesco’s cos one doesn’t stock what another does and these are basic items ! Each month we find that a perfectly good product(s) has either been removed or they have “new reciped” it and now that product tastes “crap” ! When you ask the staff why, they cannot answer, can’t tell you if the removed product is out of stock or removed totally. Best one I got was ” did you see it on the shelves ?, errr no, thats why I’m asking you… ” Tesco’s is not that cheap when you consider the quality of some of their items. Tesco’s is too big and as such is now just taking over without that “every little helps” logo actually in mind ! I, for one has learnt to hate Tesco’s with a passion, just try actually complaining to them for a start ! Their supply and demand is rubbish and some of their produce even worse. Shame really, could have become a real winner ! But not in my eyes ! just a dictatorship in blue and red colors ! Interesting to note that Sainbury is very small so don’t stock very much and the new M&S food store is so busy you almost have to queue outside to get in ! Says it all really !
I guess the exhortation to eat five pieces of fresh fruit and vegetables a day doesn’t really apply if you do a monthly shop?
You just have to ensure you eat 150 portions a month instead, and if that has to be during the first couple of days of your month then so be it.
‘Each month we find that a perfectly good product(s) has either been removed or they have “new reciped” it and now that product tastes “crap”.’
Yes! Yes! For more than a year I have been religiously buying the Finest Pork and Apple sausages… then two months ago, to my horror, they were ‘new reciped’. They now ooze this weird stuff that sticks to the baking tray and shrivel to half their size. And before, they were nicely sweet – now they are sickly.
This all upset me so much I considered writing to Tesco, as if they care. I have defected to the organic ones, by the way.
lol…..We shop about once a month for frozen food tinned stuff, anything that keeps. For fresh stuff it’s as and when !
Tesco’s recently stocked Honey and Mustard sausages, exceptional taste, couldn’t get enough of them, except now can’t get them at all !!! Reason..unknown and that comes from Tesco’s itself and no, I didn’t buy up the whole stock !
If you want real problems, you want to try Tesco broadband ! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !
I’m feeling unusually pissed off with Tesco…
Their Luxury natural nut assortment packet shows a bowl with an even assortment of the six nuts (though “May contain traces of other nuts”). Open the pack and it’s mainly brazils. No pecans, but 2-1/2 walnut halves (not a listed ingredient). Hardly a “trace”, more like a very poor substitution.
Item Two, M’Lud: Their Organic pumpkin seed and sunflower seed loaf seems designed to send the kids of Joanna Public straight back to the sliced white. I know rancid pumpkin seeds when I taste `em.
… And ninthly, I was charged for one more Yeo Valley yoghurt than I had in my trolley.
Grrrr!
Nutter I may be, but I’ve sampled the old Luxury Nuts again. There’s a percentage declaration I hadn’t noticed on the previous packet. The mix was a lot better than previously, but still not quite up to scratch. Viz, the Brazils should constitute 36% but Tesco are still doing their bit to support our friends in the rainforest, and shoved in 40% (equivalent to four nuts over quota). Almonds, hazels, macadamias and (hoorah!) pecans were all present and roughly correct, but those extra Brazils (or should they be “brazils”?) meant that cashews were 17g short, which equates to 11 nuts (if that is, indeed, their classification).
Morrisons, You are a bit nuts! ( Hope you aren’t “The Morrisons”! as in the store)
I know this sounds a bit stupid, but very recently went to my local Tesco’s and all three shelves of the deodrant section was empty ! No cans at all, not even sticks or any other device to stop one getting a bit wiffy ! Not only that, the only milk on the shelves was within one day of going out of date ! Wow, great supply and demand management !
So I guess that Tesco’s has a policy of “every little helps”, including bad smells whether it be people or goods !
Went today back to the store and guess what, no smell-good products although the milk was slightly more up to date ! 1 out of 2 isn’t bad for UK I guess !
Has anybody noticed since Christmas how few check-out people they have suddenly? They seem to be constantly asking multi-skilled managers to attend the check-outs, but I never met a skilled manager yet anywhere in the UK let alone a multi-skilled one, so has Tesco really advanced that much and advanced into the future above all others or is this just another ” the average Jo will believe this because they have an attention span of less than 5 minutes”, or am I just advanced in sussing this out as a deprived attempt by idiots to scam the general public !?
Your views please !
S.
Don’t forget kiddies Tesco’s milk is actually watered down/buy a pint from your (if there is still such a thing near you)Milkman or local corner shop and taste it next to Tesco’s.The only way to get ‘Proper’ milk from from Tesco’s is their organic variety.
Don’t bother with the ‘Finest’ Channel Islands either/watered down again I’m afraid.
I think you forgot the “allegedly” there.
I see that Tesco’s are having a good day today, technology wise anyhow !
Garage today had one till only accepting cards, no cash. One till accepting both until the card reader went down on that one ! Queues like you’ve never seen !
I’ve just spent a couple of hours (again) waiting for the broadband service to come back ! ADSL fine, just connection to host !
Every little helps !!
Yeh right !
Try harder than just a little !!!!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !
Now they’ve gone and removed the Finest tomato and basil sausages too !
My replacment for the Honey and Mustard ones !
What’s the point ?
Steve, have you considered starting up your own sausage company?