Joeblade

My Film Life

This post is inspired by Jeff Ignatius’ My Movie Life. Jeff runs a film review website named Culture Snob and I strongly recommend you all make yourself regular readers.

On with the show.

  1. The first film I remember seeing at the cinema was Santa Claus: The Movie when I was seven, so it’s a wonder I didn’t swear off the entire medium there and then.
  2. Thanks to the magic of online DVD rentals, I watch an average of three films a week, sometimes more.
  3. My favourite film is Blade Runner
  4. I have never seen the original cut of that film, only the director’s cut.
  5. The funniest film I have ever seen is Monty Python’s Life of Brian, but because I have seen it so many times and know the script, I no longer laugh when I watch it.
  6. The scariest film I have ever seen is The Omen.
  7. The first VCR my family owned was a Betamax. The scarcity of Betamax-format videos available to rent meant that I watched three films over and over again as they were all we owned.
  8. Those films were; The Incredible Journey, The Three Lives of Thomasina and a collection of animated fairy tales.
  9. The first VHS video I ever owned was a twin-pack containing Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters 2 and for some unknown reason an old episode of the black and white Batman TV series in which the villain is someone who has discovered a way to remotely control cars.
  10. The last film I remember seeing with a parent at the cinema was All Dogs Go To Heaven, during which a girl nearby to me cried a lot. I thought she was a right baby.
  11. I own only two DVDs; A Nightmare Before Christmas and The Royal Tenanbaums.
  12. I think that Stanley Kubrick is massively overrated.
  13. CGI is no match for a load of Jim Henson puppets.
  14. The only film I have ever walked out of was Ginger Snaps.
  15. This was because it was terrifying the hell out of my girlfriend, not because I wasn’t enjoying it.
  16. I saw Ginger Snaps several years later and thought it was shit.
  17. I chose to see Mr Holland’s Opus over The Crow during a ‘see a film for a pound’ special, and myself and my friend were reduced to tears of laughter at it.
  18. I would rather talk about a film I hated than a film I loved.
  19. For a time, I was told that I looked like John Cusack as he appeared in Being John Malkovich.
  20. I wish that I did look like John Cusack, regardless of what film he’s in.
  21. I can always make time for Tron and The Breakfast Club.
  22. I hate crowded cinemas.
  23. My definition of a crowded cinema is ‘any more than one person’.
  24. Watching The Crow 2: City of Angels alone in a cinema significantly increased my enjoyment of it.
  25. When I watched Attack of the Clones, I sat near a Japanese couple. The Japanese man was translating on the fly for his girlfriend, who was furiously texting plot details to someone else.
  26. People who talk during a film should be ejected from the cinema, literally.
  27. People who claim that it’s ok to talk during a film if nobody is talking on film should be shot first, then ejected.
  28. People who laugh at the wrong bits should follow the above.
  29. I never watch, or respect, award ceremonies.
  30. I am disgusted when film-makers re-write important pieces of history (cf. The Patriot, U-571) and act as if it doesn’t matter.
  31. I do not trust Mel Gibson.
  32. I refuse to watch the updated edition of E.T., which replaces guns with walkie-talkies.
  33. I don’t believe people when they tell me they saw the Sixth Sense plot twist coming.
  34. I used to be able to dredge up the names of actors and actresses and various film details within a second.
  35. As I’ve grown older, that ability has significantly diminished.
  36. A Nightmare on Elm Street gave me nightmares.
  37. Of the 100 highest-rated films on IMDB, I have seen 50.
  38. Of the 100 lowest-rated films on IMDB, I have seen 5.
  39. I used to think that a bad SF film still stood a strong chance of being better than a good mainstream film.
  40. This was until I watched Lawnmowerman 2: Beyond Cyberspace
  41. I consider Lawnmowerman 2: Beyond Cyberspace to be the worst film I have ever seen.
  42. People are surprised when I say I enjoyed, and laughed out loud at, Bad Santa.
  43. I love Alien3, despite its many flaws.
  44. I can spend hours watching the trailers.
  45. My favourite time to watch a film at the cinema is 10–11am on a Sunday.
  46. I disagree with nearly everything British film critic Barry Norman says, particularly on his views on Westerns and SF genre films.
  47. I don’t get Napoleon Dynamite.
  48. Salted popcorn, not sweet.
  49. One of the first things I do after watching a film is look up the trivia on IMDB.
  50. I do not trust IMDB.
  51. The ‘Hold me/I can’t’ scene in Edward Scissorhands can reduce me to tears if I’m in the right frame of mind.
  52. I don’t understand why people keep allowing Paul Anderson to make films.
  53. I don’t understand why Bruce Campbell is not in more films.
  54. The fact that a film is a children’s film is no excuse for the film to be bad.
  55. George Lucas deserves nothing.

Make of that what you will.

By Paul Haine, in