Band Aid 20
Take an existing, terrible Christmas song. Admittedly, having the words ‘Terrible’ and ‘Christmas song’ in the same sentence is a bit redundant, but you see where I’m going with this.
Get together a group of nice, media-friendly musicians. Nobody too threatening or challenging — those nice boys from Keane and Snow Patrol, say, and that lovely Fran Healy and Justin Timberlake Hawkins. Also, Dido, and, for a bit of pizazz, throw Robbie Williams into the mix as well.
Make sure that anybody with any real musical credibility — Neil Hannon, Damon Albarn, Olly Knights, Gale Paridjanian — are tucked away in the chorus. Realise that the more people you have singing at once, the less it actually matters who they are as it will all blend into one big noise anyway, so chuck Daniel and Natasha Beddingfield in for good measure.
Have a bit of petulant — and public — squabbling over who gets to sing Bono’s famous line from the original. After everyone involved is revealed to the public to be a git, give the line back to Bono.
Have Dizzie Rascal in to rap, because urban music is cool. Don’t give him too much to do, though — wouldn’t want to scare people!
Get Lemar and Will Young in as well, because they’re also cool. They were on the telly!
Attempt to make it sound a bit different by putting the emphasis on some words in different places. So, for example, change “Feeeeeed the WOR-rld” to “Feeeeeed the wor-RLD” and “TONIGHT thank God it’s them instead of you” to “Tonight thank God it’s them inSTEEEEAAADDD of you”. It’ll make all the difference, and will distract you from the cacophony of what is charitably called ‘the singing’.
Cause a severe crisis of conscience in DJs across the land, who want to play the song because it’s for a good cause, but don’t want to play the song because it’s not very good.
Repeat all of this in a few years time. There’ll never be a shortage of humanitarian disasters or depressing and mediocre bands, after all.
There will be many who will buy this song because the money will go to help people in the Sudan. I suggest people who aren’t buying it, or don’t like it but are buying it anyway, donate directly to the British Red Cross instead. Of course, the release of the song does help draw attention to the plight of the Sudanese, so I can’t fault it there — and, after all, what would Christmas be without terrible, terrible music?
I’ve just heard that a radio station in Wales has actually banned the song, after they played it and were overwhelmed by the negative feedback. Heartwarming stuff!
Most of my favorite Christmas music was written at least three centuries ago – sometimes longer. Is that… bad?
I think the ‘Coventry Carol’ is probably a superior piece of music to Band Aid 20, when all’s said and done.
The spat over singing the ‘Tonight…’ line has to be one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard, ever, and I’m a man who has heard many ridicuolous things. Also Joss Stone apparently kept referring to Bob Geldof as ‘Gandalf’
I can forgive Joss Stone calling him Gandalf, after all, she wasn’t even born when Band Aid 1 happened and it’s not like Geldof’s constantly in the public eye. Aside from being on Grumpy Old Men, of course.
He was on Grumpy Old Men? I must have missed that. I think it just makes Joss Stone look a bit sillier than she already is tbh. The BBC documented it all very well.
Apparently, they managed to get the “finished” version compiled and edited for release in only 36 hours from when the artists finished singing their lines. At least they didn’t rush it.
I guess things could have been worse. Tonight thank God it’s Keane instead of Blue…
I’m told that the whooping and clapping at the end of the song is mostly Snow Patrol, so Band Aid 20 is at least notable for recording the band’s very first emotion.
It seems that Apple won’t be selling Band Aid 20 via the iTunes store – apparently they’re unhappy that they’d have to raise the price of the track from the usual 79p.
what rubbish!! off course we now its christmas in africa, and Sir Bob Geldof and co. ought to know better. Africa is a continent not one country!And we don’t want snow this christmas give us our beautiful sunshine anyday!Anyway it only ever rains in England it’s not as if it snows here either!This song goes to show how ignorant the Sir Bob and Co are. Bah Humbug to Band Aid 20
Yes, Geldof has never heard of the Snows of Kilimanjaro for one thing (n.b. not to be confused with that dreadful and mis-spelt song by Babyshambles)
hi! why does nobody talk about damon albarn. isn`t he also in aid20?? he such a good star but nobody talks about him!
I had thought that he was in the chorus, but it turns out that all he was doing was serving tea and biscuits to the assembled people.
THE SONG IS BRILL BUT CAN BE SAD AND FACTUAL AT TIMES